Holiday Etiquettes

Holiday Etiquettes for spending holidays:

Don't invite both members of a divorced or separated couple to a holiday gathering — unless you know they're on good terms. Most people who split up prefer not to see each other, at least initially. Bringing the two together could make them — and possibly others — uncomfortable. Instead, plan to see them separately over the holidays. That will be more time-consuming, but it'll be worth the effort if you want to stay friends with both parties.
If a guest gets drunk at your home, stop serving him alcohol and see that he gets home safely. Refusing to pour more liquor for an inebriated guest may be awkward, but it's necessary. Tell the person in private why you're cutting him off. Then ask another guest to take him home. If no one is able to give him a ride, call a cab for him (and pay for it if need be). Or, simply provide him with a bed for the night. Never, never, never let a guest drive away intoxicated. Sure, he may be embarrassed or insulted at the moment, but at least he'll be alive in the morning.
When Aunt Irma, feeling inventive, brings her cucumber-banana gelatin mold to Christmas dinner, accept graciously (no eye rolling, please). A good host responds to an unexpected — and perhaps unwelcome — contribution with aplomb. Thank your aunt and serve her creation with your spread. You might think cucumber and banana is a disgusting combination — but now's not the time to tell her so, and you'd hurt her feelings if you failed to offer it to your guests.
If gift giving with your relatives is getting too expensive, it's okay to scale back — as long as you discuss it with them well in advance. Ending gift escalation is not as hard as you think, if you're willing to be frank. Months before the holidays, bring up the idea of alternative giving schemes. Some options: drawing names, limiting presents to a specific dollar amount, giving gifts only to kids and not to adults. Others will probably be grateful that you were brave enough to start the discussion.
When you receive horrible, wrong-size or duplicate gifts, smile, say something polite, extend a thank-you...and then run for the returns line.
Regift rarely...if ever. You have a surplus of "stuff," and it seems like the best way to downsize is to pass things on to other people. Makes sense. Problem is, if the truth emerges, two loved ones will feel hurt — the original giver (because you obviously didn't value her choice) and the recipient (who thought you'd take the time to find something special just for her). The basic guidelines for regifting: First, you must be positive that the gift is something the recipient would love. Second, the item must be brand new and in its original package. And third, it shouldn't be something the original giver took great care to select just for you. An example: Regifting a nice bottle of Pinot Noir to a wine lover is okay. Regifting a crystal vase your mother brought you from Bermuda is not.
If you're creating a holiday "newsletter" to send with cards, keep your readers in mind. Newsletters should be short (a page or less) and sweet. Keep them upbeat — most people don't want to hear about your dental surgery. On the other hand, avoid turning your letter into a brag sheet. Also, be sure you're sending the newsletter only to people who are genuinely interested in your family news.
When you receive a holiday card from someone you didn't send one to, reciprocation is optional. Send if you wish.